I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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