So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
vagina is talking i cant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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