When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
