Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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