sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
