Sponge bath it is.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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