Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
