i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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