Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
