Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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