That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
