last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
