Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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