The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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