I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
your like the ambassador to my penis.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
