There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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