so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
