Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This baby is an asshole
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
