Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
