My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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