Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
