are you still at the devil's house?
More tranny stories later!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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