brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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