love makes seman taste better
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
