You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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