I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
