Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
