haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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