Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
