I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
