i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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