just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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