Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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