me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
