she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
