she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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