If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
