I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
