these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
