I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
