So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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