I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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