Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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