Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
