omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
