I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
