i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
