in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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