we're blogging at a bar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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