do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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