I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
