In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
